- Meghan Trainor said she had side-by-side toilets put in and occasionally pooped beside her husband.
- Relationship experts say that can build intimacy for some couples.
- In some cases, pooping together can be a sign of codependency, experts say.
Meghan Trainor shared that she had a very close relationship with her husband, Daryl Sabara: so close, in fact, that they poop together on occasion. While much has been made of Trainor’s side-by-side toilets, she said having two thrones was a matter of convenience.
“We just got a new house, and we did construction — nobody knows this, but in our bathroom, there was one toilet,” she said on the “Why Won’t You Date Me?” podcast hosted by Nicole Byer. “A lot of times in the middle of the night when we’re with the baby, we have to pee at the same time. So I was like, ‘Can we please have two toilets next to each other?'”
Trainor’s brother Ryan, who also appeared on the podcast, said his sister and Saraba had very loose boundaries.
“You guys are weirdos, bro,” he said. “They poop together. She’s pooping, and Daryl’s like, ‘I’m going to go hang out with you now.'”
Pooping together could kill — or ignite — sex appeal
Tammy Shaklee, the president of the matchmaking service H4M, said she knew of another couple that installed two toilets, with a bookshelf between them. When the couple shared the idea with Shaklee, she said she was horrified.
“I believe to maintain a sexy appeal for your partner, some alone time with Mother Nature’s most unpleasant smells is necessary,” she said. “There are some aspects of the functions of the human body that are best left unshared.”
On the other hand, Leah Carey, a sex and intimacy coach, said deification and urination could be part of sexual play.
Trainor said in her case, she had pooped with her husband only two times because it “smells foul.”
Sharing the bathroom might be a sign of trouble
Shaklee had another client who regularly insisted his partner talk to him while he pooped with the door open. That crossed a line, she said.
“If you can’t even be alone for some private time while reading the newspaper or your device during your smelly, boisterous business, then you clearly should look at your attachment style needing some professional help and an adjustment,” she said.
Nicole Moore, a relationship coach, agreed that pooping together might be a sign of unhealthy boundaries or enabling behavior.
“If the couple is using the toilet together because they cannot bear to be alone, then it’s likely that they are overly dependent on each other for connection,” Moore said.
Most people should feel comfortable and confident taking a few minutes to use the toilet without any involvement from their partner. Some people have an inner voice that is so critical that they never want to be alone. That could lead to someone asking their spouse to stay nearby, even in the bathroom. If that’s the motivation, it’s time to seek professional help, according to Moore.
What works for you works
Using the bathroom side by side, or with the door open, isn’t going to cause a problem in an otherwise healthy relationship, Moore said.
“Every couple has different levels of comfort and intimacy and, ultimately, has to decide what’s right for them,” Moore said.
Couples that are together for a long time regularly let boundaries relax, Emily Mendez, a former therapist, said. Using the toilet together — especially during those middle-of-the-night wake-ups that Trainor mentioned — might not seem like a big deal after navigating the ups and downs of a relationship.
“Whether or not this is healthy depends on the couple,” Mendez said. “If both people in the relationship are comfortable with it, then it is fine.”
Things could become problematic if one partner has different boundaries than the other. In that case, it may be best to close the door.